Insecurity | garagegym107

Posts Tagged ‘Insecurity

Oct

Stop Thinking You’re Not Ready

Categories: Morphing of a Fit Woman
Tags: #bodyforlife, #fitatfifty, #garagegym, Community, exercise, fat loss, fitness, gaining self confidence, Garagegym107, Goal Setting, Insecurity, Motivation, Precision Nutrition, Training, Triathlete

The biggest thing that keeps us from moving forward is the simple thought of thinking we are not ready. No-one ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity presents itself. Especially when the opportunity forces you to step out of your comfort zone and face your own insecurities.

The greatest opportunities in our lives usually require us to get out of the comfort zone. As a really good friend said early one morning “comfort is for couches” there is really something to that. When you have doubt, sitting idle allows that doubt to grow larger and loom in front of you.

Change takes courage. I’m not going to tell you it’s easy, but I will say it’s doable. It’s doable if you take that first step and commit to yourself you are willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish the goal.

Take for example my most recent goal of becoming a Triathlete by summer of next year. The first obstacle in my head wasn’t whether I could swim, bike, run. It was putting on a swimsuit and going to the local pool. You see, having freed myself of the excess burden of carrying an additional 168# See Me Here there are things about my body that I’m overly sensitive about. My legs are two of those things.

Initially my thinking was “how can I cover up my legs?” so I bought a tri-suit to swim in. If you’ve never seen one, they come halfway or more down the thighs. After wearing that a couple of times I realized I was being stupid for two reasons 1) A tri-suit is entirely too expensive to be swimming in on a regular basis because the chlorine will eat it up over a very short period of time and 2) No-one really gives a crap about my legs except me.

Yeah, that’s right. Not the swim coach, not the lifeguards, not the others in the pool. Everyone is too busy to give a flip about the appearance of my legs. So moving along.

My next paralyzing fear is riding my bike in the dark. I have a bike light for both the front and back, I have a bright reflective vest, the only thing missing is my nerve. With the fall time change coming at the end of this week, it will be dark morning and evening.

I was talking to one of my friends from work and explained my nervousness. He quickly and very directly said “How have you accomplished your CrossFit?”, you don’t talk yourself out of doing that. Stop thinking. You just have to get out there and do it.

So much truth. So I’m pulling up my big girl pants and will make sure my batteries are charged on my big 1200 lumens Bright Eye light and get to riding tomorrow morning before the crack of dawn. Yes like 4:30am. 🙂

Jan

Moving Past That Place

By garagegym107 272 Comments

Twice this week I’ve had conversations with women who find themselves at a crossroads. It’s the crossroads to long-term change. It’s a frightening place to be.

To the left is everything you know, comfort, habit, status quo, the norm, the place you’ve known for what could be your whole life, failures, the past.

To the right is belief, discomfort, truth, health, happiness, knowledge, pressure, fear of the unknown, trials, failures (yes you have failures on both roads), wisdom, desire, change, gratitude.

I know this crossroads all too well. In the spring and summer of 2010 I stood at the very same crossroads. I had just won the Body-for-Life challenge which had been a goal for 9 years. Everyone thought I had it all figured out. What people around me didn’t know, was what was happening on the inside. Even my best friends had no idea.

I was terrified. Afraid I’d back slide back to the 328# person I used to be. I was terrified I would fail again. I was terrified that I was a fake. I was afraid I didn’t believe in myself as much as others believed in me. I was afraid of the future.

Looking back on that crossroads now it seems silly. But at that time the fear was very real, very much a part of my daily life.

In order to overcome that fear, I had to put some daily habits in place. Below are the most important ones listed in the order of importance for me.

No Negative Self-Talk. EVER
Write down 3 things I’m grateful for daily
Write down 3 positive affirmations about my body daily
Get the fear out of your head

These things may look trivial to some, but to a person who doesn’t believe in themselves, I believe these things are a game changer. Let me elaborate.

No Negative Self-Talk. EVER

Negative self-talk is the single most detrimental habit a person can develop. Negative self-talk comes up when you look in the mirror, when you are handling your personal finances, when you go to work, when you parent your children, in your marriage. It’s everywhere. SHUT. IT. DOWN. You are worthy of greatness, no-one, not even yourself should tell you otherwise.

Write down 3 things you’re grateful for

Gratitude helps you realize in the big scheme of things you’ve got it really good. Be grateful you’re healthy and not fighting for your life. Be grateful you have a roof over your head. If you are reading this, be grateful for the very device allowing you to see this, even if it’s a loaner. Be grateful for the simplest things in your life. Once you remove your “woe is me” tunnel vision, you get to fully see what you have to be grateful for.

Write down 3 positive affirmations about my body daily

I don’t mean the same things every day. Each day find 3 things you love about your body. They may or may not have a thing to do with your physical appearance. I love my eyes because they allow me to see things. I love my strong and powerful legs that allow me to move heavy things. I love my ears because they allow me to hear beautiful music.

Get the fear out of your head

If you are afraid of something talk about it with a trusted friend, a person who’s walked this path before you, or if nothing else, write your fear down in a journal. What I found over time was the fear was much, much greater in my head than it ever was out in the open. I’ve written letters to people and then burned them (very healing). I have sobbed on my friend’s shoulder when faced with the realization I wasn’t going to reach a goal I set. Getting your fear of failure out of you mind clears the space so that it can be filled to the brim with positive and grateful thinking.

All of the above may seem trivial, but if you are at the crossroads of significant weight loss, throw these habits in to play and see if you don’t find some peace from the constant fear of back-sliding.

Jan

Strong Legs

By garagegym107 12 Comments

It seems like all I write about lately is the legs. Well mostly anyway. I’ve neglected to push my legs at the same level I’ve pushed my upper body, so now I’m playing catch up. I’ve used every excuse under the sun for the past four years as my excuse for not being more goal oriented on these strong legs.

As most of my readers know I’ve lost a lot of weight, with the losses, I’ve gained some unflattering skin issues on these strong legs. THAT has been my number one excuse for not being overly concerned with them. The whole “I’ll never wear shorts again” excuse.

Well as you can tell I’m sucking it up and getting busy changing these strong legs into even stronger legs. The lower body contains the largest muscles in the whole body. The more I work them, the more dense with muscle both the legs and glutes will become. I will burn more calories as well, like a big old furnace. I can’t wait.

I don’t expect them to be perfect because that would certainly be unrealistic. I’m all too familiar with unrealistic expectations, they set you up for failure. All I will say is that I have before pictures and I’m making videos along the way of this journey. I will stay the course and you guys will get sick of the updates. Until then I’ll keep sharing what I’m doing and you guys can cheer me on.

Jan

Resolutions – Just Keep Going

By garagegym107 3 Comments

I posted on my FB page yesterday, a simple shout out to those starting something new in 2014. I’ve seen so many posts slamming new years resolutions and posts of seasoned athletes commenting on the new years crowds in the gym.

Today I feel a need to talk about the day I started my journey, exactly 13 years ago yesterday on 01-01-2001. I was miserably fat, extremely insecure, and totally embarrassed to go into the gym. I went anyway. I was wearing a 3xl t-shirt and a pair of leggings that should have never ever been seen in public, but it was all I had that I could fit into. So began my journey. That first week was literally hell looking back on it. I made myself so sore I got sick, but I kept going. I could feel peoples eyes and the looks of pity, but I kept going.

A month or so later when I had been going consistently for a month (a huge deal at the time), I decided to join a morning aerobics class. I got in the very back of the room. I noticed people looking back at me, some with encouragement, others with what I will describe as a knowing look. A look of “we are about to run her off” knowing. I hung in that class for 20 minutes and the instructor made no effort what-so-ever to modify the movements or even say to me “just keep going”. Three little words was all she had to say, but she never did. She became forever known to me as “the instructor I never want to be”. I walked out of that class at that 20 minute mark and I never set foot in that room again. Did I walk out of the gym?? Not a chance.

Instead, I got to know something called iron. Dumbbells at first and then I added the barbell. They didn’t yell at me. They never at any point implied that I couldn’t do it, they just fought back with resistance. From that point on, I knew I’d found what I loved to do. I lifted and lifted and slowly over the course of the year 2001 I began to change. After 90 days no-one could even tell I’d lost 35# and I cried ALOT because I was not an “after” in that first 90 days. In 90 days losing 35 pounds was impressive (looking back on it) and I could have stopped there but I didn’t. I just kept going. Another 90 days passed and another 35 pounds down, people started to take notice. Over the course of yet another 90 days, folks started noticing BIG changes on a monthly basis. Some where around the 125 pounds lost mark, I felt like I was on the right path and my habits had begun to develop, but it took years to get my emotional head straight. So if you are reading this and just starting, just keep going. It takes longer than you may think to change, but just keep going and you will change.

All of that started with a New Year’s Resolution and a gym membership. So for the next two or three months, walk around your gym and make eye contact with the New Year’s Resolutions, you may find a lonely soul that is one smile away from changing his or her life.

Me? I’ll be the one standing on the sidelines yelling “YOU CAN DO THIS” with tears streaming down my face, because I just kept going.

Dec

Letting Go of Insecurity

By garagegym107 5 Comments

I could write a book on the topic of insecurity. My own personal insecurity would take up 2/3 of the book. At one point in my life I took myself so seriously, I was absolutely ZERO fun to be around. Little did I know at the time no one really paid that much attention, except me.

I was somewhat insecure in my earlier years before I got fat (I can say that insensitive word, I don’t have to be politically correct when I’m talking about myself in my own blog).

Once I got so fat, I was conscious of things I’d never noticed before. Looks from people, some I could tell were literally looks of disbelief. Others, looks of pity. The worst was the look a saw looking back in the mirror and that was disgust. Harsh, but truth. I thought surely when I lost all the weight, I’d lose the insecurity with it. But not so fast.

For a long time after I lost my weight I had serious fears about suddenly waking up and being back in that 328# body again. This fear spiraled out into my food consumption as well. I feared if I took a vacation or went off my overly strict food plan that I would never be able to regroup. For people who have lost a lot of weight this is a true insecurity. It’s a true fear that must be worked through. I’ve dubbed it “Fat Head Syndrome” the inability to see real, positive self-image after significant weight-loss.

As is with losing the weight, gaining trust in self is also a process that takes time. Learning to let go of mistakes, fear, and the seeking of perfection, are huge milestones in long term weight loss.

For a while I used positive affirmations to help me through. Training my brain to realize that I’m an athlete, not a dieter was one of the biggest steps to overcoming the obstacle. Then came the realization that micro-managing an overly strict food plan wasn’t necessary. I began to come to terms with the fact that if I focused on eating unprocessed and whole foods, I didn’t have to stress so much about every little detail. All that being said, I get why people do it.

The beautiful thing is watching a person literally come out of the cocoon when they realize they really are becoming more fit, both physically and mentally. I can see the relief in the eyes of a client once they come to believe it’s physically impossible to gain all of the weight back overnight. They realize they do indeed have the power to control their own outcomes. As a Coach it’s one of my favorite moments.

Coaching a client on getting out of their own way is one of the toughest parts of coaching. It takes time and patience and the occasional proverbial kick in the pants. And that’s why I love Coaching.

I’ve always loved the image below, borrowed from the internet, I truly believe there is an athlete in most everyone. But it’s the rare individual who has the courage to step out of the shadows and embrace the greatness we are each born with.

Dec

Surviving the Crash and Burn

By garagegym107 9 Comments

Today is the day after Christmas. Today is the day after a lot of folks crash and burn. Crash and burn=totally fall off track with fitness and nutrition and spend weeks trying to recover.

Here is a quick list of what to do to help you get back on track.

Throw out the crap, guilt free, ALL of it
Drink water like it’s your job, it will help you rehydrate and cleanse your system
Forgive yourself
Stop talking about how bad you feel and how bad you suck, so you crashed and burned, move on
Stop putting off today, the reckoning day, until Monday, or January 1st or whichever day you feel you need to prepare for, start today, right now
Get a clean meal in to your system
Get what you need to prepare more clean meals
Start a list of goals for 2014
Get thee to the gym and move something heavy quickly
Rinse and repeat

Remember there isn’t a final countdown of food consumption before starting some new fad diet on January 1st. Get your head right, get your house, apartment, desk, etc., cleaned out and replace any crap with clean staples and get a move on. Consistent clean meals will help boost your MOJO as much as a good solid workout will.

And remember this….

Didn’t turn into this….

Because I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. Now get on with it.

Dec

A Mental Flush

By garagegym107 14 Comments

It has been way too long since I’ve written, which has been the trend of 2013. Enough of that.

Since we last talked, I’ve had some progress photos made. There are three things I’d like to discuss, if you would hang with me that would be great.

The BIG “50”
Body Image
Take the pictures

First the big fifty. No, not reps, but years. I turned 50 this year. It’s nothing more than a number right? Yes, right. That being said, I wanted to celebrate the year in a couple of ways. I wanted a birthday cake. A big fat chocolate birthday cake. Did I have it? Yes, you bet I did. I have had a small slice from the freezer each month since my birthday back in the spring. Ironically, after seeing the progress pictures I’m posting in the blog, the remainder of that divine, sinfully rich, chocolate heaven went in the trash.

Our lives are so filled with other people’s idea of how we should be living. I decided long ago no-one knows me better than me so I would start living like me. Authentically ME. Some people don’t like it, but really I’m not so bad once you get past this gruff exterior.

Twenty. Thirty. Forty. Fifty. Celebrate. It.

On to body image. When I first saw these pictures, the old me reared up and said “see, still not there yet”. The bells went off in my brain as if I were standing in a cathedral. What do I mean? I mean I am reminded albeit none too gently either, that my body image insecurity still has a small headspace in my brain. That being said, the strong headspace took over less than 24 hours after the insecurity showed itself. And even better, I acknowledged it, felt it, embraced it, and moved on.

My greatest wish for all women is that we stop comparing ourselves to magazine covers, billboard ads, and lastly, EACH OTHER. Be who we are, individuals with uniqueness of body, mind, soul. Learn to live in your own personal greatness.

Now we can talk about the pictures. Pictures, for me, mark the seasons in my life. I have photos of when I was younger and skinny as a rail. I have photos of when I was a young mom that didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I have photos that mark traumatic events in my life, my climb to obesity being the biggest one of those. I have A LOT of fitness progress photos that tell a story of change. Every now and then those pictures remind me I need to get them put in to chronological order. And now, I have photos marking my 50th year of my life.

Only a few people knew I was going to have these photos taken. Ironically, my beautiful sister-in-law randomly posted on Facebook the very weekend I was having these photos made that she wished she had taken pictures 10 years ago. She had no idea I was taking these photos. I simply replied to her post “take the pictures now”. So many women shy away from marking significant moments because of aforementioned body image issues.

We sit around and think we’ve got to wait until we get it all together.

Guess what? We never get it all together. We can improve, we can get healthy, we can have careers, we can do anything we set our minds to, but there is absolutely no such thing as “getting it all together” so let that idea flush from your minds. BE who you want to be now! Mark it, celebrate it.

Embrace each day and love it with all of your being. We live, we breath, it’s up to US make this life our own.

With that… I’m doing all that I can to embrace what I am doing to live!

Oct

Swift Kick In The Pants

By garagegym107 1 Comment

My last blog was about the seasonal transition and hibernation of habits. Today, it’s all about the swift kick in the pants.

I see it already, the slack in attendance during classes. The “I overslept” excuse for skipping a workout. The even bigger excuse people tell themselves “no-one will notice that I’ve gained 10 pounds under this sweater”. News flash, the only person you are disappointing is yourself.

Sure, summer is over and fall is on its way through, but your goals haven’t changed have they? Don’t allow the dark mornings keep you from being around your peers and making smack talk and workout challenges. Get your arse out of that bed!!

First the workouts go and then the clean eating follows right afterwards. The seasonal treats will be there for the next 2 plus months. Don’t get caught with the winter blues of “I screwed up my whole plan, and don’t know how I got so far off track”.

Keep your mindset positive, sure it’s colder than usual, but get up and go anyway. You’ll warm-up once you start moving. For those who workout in the mornings, it’s always dark anyway so that’s not your excuse.

Don’t allow winter to steal away your momentum. Hold yourself accountable by setting mini-goals over the next two months. Challenge yourself to maintain your current level of fitness and not fatness. You know there will be times when clean food is hard to come by so do some pre-planning and keep some jerky, almonds, almond butter, etc. on hand to get you through the feeding frenzies you’ll encounter. No sense getting caught up in the frenzy when you already know it can and will set you back a few months if you allow it to.

Own your fitness. Keep your goals in sight and stay the course!

Oct

Letter To My Younger Self

By garagegym107 2 Comments

Categories: Morphing of a Fit Woman
Tags: Body-for-Life, BodyBuilding, change, Community, exercise, fitness, Goal Setting, goals, Insecurity, Inspiration, Long term weight loss, nutrition, Weight Lifting, Working out, Workout

If only I could have known then what I know now.

I’d start by telling myself at a very early age, it’s ok to be a Tom boy. It’s ok to prefer pants over dresses. No everyone seeks to be a girly girl. Mud pies and Hot Wheels with my little brother were some of the best childhood memories. So was jumping the ramp even after my dad told me not to. And yes, it hurts just as bad when a little girl hits the bar as it does a boy.

As a gangly teenager, I’d tell myself that being popular isn’t really better, it’s just different and maybe even a little harder than blending in.

As a young mother, I’d tell myself it doesn’t matter how young or old you are, being a mom is the best and hardest job you’ll ever have so do the best you can and forgive yourself the rest.

As a young woman, I’d tell myself to love everything about yourself, cherish who you are and what you are becoming. Don’t allow another human being to bring you down or steal your self-worth or self-confidence because they are on some type of power trip. Your instincts are right.

I’d tell myself to go ahead and make some mistakes, take a risk, jump head first. Be who you are. Your quirks are yours and there is no one else like you.

I’d tell myself to love my body for all it’s capable of, care for it, nurture it, feed it good, clean, nutritious foods, and it’s ok to have a cupcake from time to time.

I’d tell myself it’s a whole lot easier to take care of yourself than to let yourself go and then regroup and get fit later on.

I’d tell myself to be happy, embrace change for in change is growth.

I’d tell myself to nurture true friendships, because no matter who the love of your life is, you will need your girlfriends to nurture and to nurture you. When the lines of time appear on your faces, laughter is indeed the best medicine.

Oct

It’s Been So Long

By garagegym107 3 Comments

As I came to my blog to write a bit, I noticed my last blog post was July 1st. Where did the months go?

I took a mini-hiatus from both blogging and social media to the greater degree. I needed to get some things together on a personal level. It’s been a very long and challenge work year, the company I work for during the day is in what I’d call a transition stage which means 100% of the focus must be on making things happen or you might be thrown out with the mop water.

I’ve missed the motivational part of blogging. I had forgotten how much positive energy I’ve received from sharing the good, the bad, and the funny of a fitness lifestyle.

Don’t mistake the quiet for quitter or slacker or fallen of the wagon or one of 100 other descriptions other folks use to describe when they’ve totally imploded. I’ve been far from all of that. Working out is as much a part of my day as brushing my teeth, as is clean eating. Did that happen overnight? Heck no. It took a very long time, but that doesn’t matter, if it hadn’t I wouldn’t be chatting with you all right now.

I’ve had all sorts of stuff pop up in an effort to derail my fitness progress and I’ve prevailed. Has it always been the way I’d planned to get my workout in or where I’d planned to get my workout in? Negative Ghost Rider, sometimes that planned pattern is full so you need to buzz the tower instead.

I feel like I’m rambling a little bit, partly because I didn’t sit down with a specific topic to share. The biggest message I have to deliver today is simply hold on to your goals, even when times are tough. The only thing certain in this life is change. Roll with it, adapt to it, stay calm and carry on!

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